The Problem With Telepathy

The problem with telepathy is that we rely on it but it isn't real, or it's sort of real--well, you know what I mean.

I have noticed that over the past decade or two we (humans in the United States) have virtually abandoned communication as an active effort. The expectation today seems to be that whatever I received must be what what was transmitted. We commonly leave an interaction in one of two states:

1. we have more questions than we had prior to the interaction and we take the questions to others (who typically were not present and never even had the benefit of the transmission)
2. because we didn't understand what we received, we label the transmitter as a poor communicator (or an idiot) and assume that we don't really need to know what they were trying to say

It's the rare individual who actually takes an active role during the interaction to ask for clarification or context.

When someone says "like, you know" and we smile and nod, we are either relying on telepathy or intuition or body language or prior knowledge or we simply don't care and we just want to get away.

Obviously this isn't really a recent development--not even if you consider two decades "recent"--but it does seem to me that the problem is worsening. I sit in meetings and watch people. They get wrinkled brows briefly and then they disengage. I know that they should be engaged as stakeholders, but they aren't. What's the problem?

One thing that we could all work on is finding ways to ask questions that--but wait, that would be active communication.

One of Stephen R. Covey's 7 Habits is "Seek first to understand, then to be understood." [italics are mine] The other six are personal and could be honed by a hermit. This one actually assumes relationship. Relationship is a real thing, unlike telepathy. I'm going to be a lightening rod here but anyone whose idea of "working on a relationship" is based on the central idea, "You don't understand me." is going to be disappointed repeatedly. This applies to every kind of human to human relationship and is the essence of Covey's effectiveness habit.

Before I lose myself in this, I'd better stop. My advice to anyone is

• learn what active communication is (if you aren't participating, you aren't communicating)
• listening (actively) is probably 90% of communication
• ask questions when they arise and ask them of the right person
• be present in the communication

We're in this together and we are going to sink or swim together. Let's start acting like we know this.